Odd Behavior

The Meaning of Existence

OK, now that I have your attention. This really has nothing to do with the “Why are we all here?” But a rather more important question:  As long as we are here, why do we do the things that we do? After all, let’s face it—we are really not going to find out (not in our lifetimes, anyway) the true “Meaning of Existence”. However, if we can find out why we do some of the insane things we do, maybe..just maybe, we can chip away at that existence thing.

Here is a case in point. I was at a large chain store the other day. It was the middle of the week in the mid-afternoon.  Corona virus was raging here in Florida. So the parking lot was empty except for 2 cars parked in the far corner of the lot, which I assumed were owned by store workers.  I rarely ever park near the front doors of a store anyway because it is easier to get out of my auto without obstruction from other cars parked next to me. Now that the Pandemic was upon us, it made more sense than ever. So, in true form, I parked in a lonely spot away from the store. There were no other customers’ cars in the lot at all. I had never remembered ever being the only customer at a chain store in the middle of the afternoon.

Delighted to be the lone crusader (so to speak), I skipped happily into the store. Okay, I didn’t really skip per se (after all, I am not a child!)….it just seemed that way in my head. As I was perusing the back aisles of the store (as usual, looking for something I was never destined to find), I heard someone else enter through the front doors. I could not see who it was, but joked to myself, “I guess the parking lot is full now. “ After a thorough search, and not understanding why I could not find any petrified Pterodactyl eggs, I exited the store.

As I was “skipping” back to my car, I suddenly came upon an unfathomable sight. There, parked right adjacent to my car, was another vehicle. No more skipping. I stopped dead in my tracks. I could not believe it. In a virtually empty parking lot, someone had gone out to their way to park right beside a car that was a good walking distance from the front of the store….where there were plenty of open spaces.

At first I was furious. I wanted to pull out my battery powered bull horn from the trunk of my car and march back into the store. (Don’t ask me why I had a bull horn in the trunk of my car…..OK, it was half price in one of those discount catalogues that we all continually get in the mail. I just knew I had to have it.) Anyway I wanted to march back into the store and announce on my bullhorn: “Would the owner of the black Chevrolet please move their car…..I repeat, would the moron who owns the piece of shit Chevy in the parking lot please move it before I slice all 4 tires.”

However, as my anger subsided (and I did not act on my instincts), I became extremely perplexed. I really became curious as to why any sane human being would do such a thing. The owner knew he (or she) would have to walk much further in the hot Florida sun. It made it more difficult for them to get in and out of their car parked so close to mine.  That is how you end up scratching doors and getting dings in your car (or mine).  Is he an extraterrestrial alien who did not understand the normal protocol in a situation like that? Did he think his car needed company while he was gone? It just did not make sense. It is not like I am wondering about the motivation of a serial killer or some other bizarre situation. It may seem trivial, but if we can figure out these (often overlooked) small behavior oddities, maybe we can figure out much more. Maybe these are the beginning actions of a potential serial killer? Who knows? You know in those cases where the police find ten dead bodies buried in your neighbors backyard? And you say, “Well, he seemed perfectly normal to me?!!” Perhaps you should have noticed when he parked abnormally close to your car.

Now, I know most of you would have gotten back in your vehicle and gone home, maybe even cursing a little bit about the idiot that parked next to you. At dinner, you would tell your spouse about the psychopath that parked too close. Then you would forget about it and eat your Spaghetti-O’s.  But to me it was a symptom of the mental health crisis facing our country. OK, maybe that is a little severe. However, there is no rational explanation for that car owner’s behavior. Really…think about it. At first I was going to wait in my car for the owner to return and find out directly what was going on. But I was afraid that there would be an angry confrontation and I might do something I would regret. So I left.

Time has passed and I am no longer angry about it, but it did make me think of the ridiculous things people do for no apparent reason. So, I pose to anyone out there: If you can send me a truly believable and reasonable explanation for this car owner’s behavior, I will pay your way to Princeton to become a world renowned Sociologist. If you can figure this one out, maybe you can also take a crack at Existence.