Odd Behavior

The Meaning of Existence

OK, now that I have your attention. This really has nothing to do with the “Why are we all here?” But a rather more important question:  As long as we are here, why do we do the things that we do? After all, let’s face it—we are really not going to find out (not in our lifetimes, anyway) the true “Meaning of Existence”. However, if we can find out why we do some of the insane things we do, maybe..just maybe, we can chip away at that existence thing.

Here is a case in point. I was at a large chain store the other day. It was the middle of the week in the mid-afternoon.  Corona virus was raging here in Florida. So the parking lot was empty except for 2 cars parked in the far corner of the lot, which I assumed were owned by store workers.  I rarely ever park near the front doors of a store anyway because it is easier to get out of my auto without obstruction from other cars parked next to me. Now that the Pandemic was upon us, it made more sense than ever. So, in true form, I parked in a lonely spot away from the store. There were no other customers’ cars in the lot at all. I had never remembered ever being the only customer at a chain store in the middle of the afternoon.

Delighted to be the lone crusader (so to speak), I skipped happily into the store. Okay, I didn’t really skip per se (after all, I am not a child!)….it just seemed that way in my head. As I was perusing the back aisles of the store (as usual, looking for something I was never destined to find), I heard someone else enter through the front doors. I could not see who it was, but joked to myself, “I guess the parking lot is full now. “ After a thorough search, and not understanding why I could not find any petrified Pterodactyl eggs, I exited the store.

As I was “skipping” back to my car, I suddenly came upon an unfathomable sight. There, parked right adjacent to my car, was another vehicle. No more skipping. I stopped dead in my tracks. I could not believe it. In a virtually empty parking lot, someone had gone out to their way to park right beside a car that was a good walking distance from the front of the store….where there were plenty of open spaces.

At first I was furious. I wanted to pull out my battery powered bull horn from the trunk of my car and march back into the store. (Don’t ask me why I had a bull horn in the trunk of my car…..OK, it was half price in one of those discount catalogues that we all continually get in the mail. I just knew I had to have it.) Anyway I wanted to march back into the store and announce on my bullhorn: “Would the owner of the black Chevrolet please move their car…..I repeat, would the moron who owns the piece of shit Chevy in the parking lot please move it before I slice all 4 tires.”

However, as my anger subsided (and I did not act on my instincts), I became extremely perplexed. I really became curious as to why any sane human being would do such a thing. The owner knew he (or she) would have to walk much further in the hot Florida sun. It made it more difficult for them to get in and out of their car parked so close to mine.  That is how you end up scratching doors and getting dings in your car (or mine).  Is he an extraterrestrial alien who did not understand the normal protocol in a situation like that? Did he think his car needed company while he was gone? It just did not make sense. It is not like I am wondering about the motivation of a serial killer or some other bizarre situation. It may seem trivial, but if we can figure out these (often overlooked) small behavior oddities, maybe we can figure out much more. Maybe these are the beginning actions of a potential serial killer? Who knows? You know in those cases where the police find ten dead bodies buried in your neighbors backyard? And you say, “Well, he seemed perfectly normal to me?!!” Perhaps you should have noticed when he parked abnormally close to your car.

Now, I know most of you would have gotten back in your vehicle and gone home, maybe even cursing a little bit about the idiot that parked next to you. At dinner, you would tell your spouse about the psychopath that parked too close. Then you would forget about it and eat your Spaghetti-O’s.  But to me it was a symptom of the mental health crisis facing our country. OK, maybe that is a little severe. However, there is no rational explanation for that car owner’s behavior. Really…think about it. At first I was going to wait in my car for the owner to return and find out directly what was going on. But I was afraid that there would be an angry confrontation and I might do something I would regret. So I left.

Time has passed and I am no longer angry about it, but it did make me think of the ridiculous things people do for no apparent reason. So, I pose to anyone out there: If you can send me a truly believable and reasonable explanation for this car owner’s behavior, I will pay your way to Princeton to become a world renowned Sociologist. If you can figure this one out, maybe you can also take a crack at Existence.

Big Box Blues

I recently went to one of the “Big Box”  Home Improvement stores to get an adaptor for a drill bit that I had previously purchased. I had bought the bit because it could be used in concrete. But when I got it home, I realized that it would not fit into a standard drill, which is the only drill I had. It had been designed to fit in what is called a "hammer drill". I figured that perhaps solving the problem might be as simple as buying a cheap adaptor that would allow it to work in my drill...or so I thought.

Anyway, when I got to the store, I walked around to the drill bit area to look for a sales advisor. I thought I saw one, but when I went to his spot, he had conveniently disappeared. Finding help in those places is like playing a game of "hide-and-seek".  And when you do corner one, it is as if you had just spotted a rare bird.. .."Oh, look, there is a black & red-vested bi-pedal store helper."

I did eventually find some help.  I told the guy that I was looking for an adapter that would take a hammer drill bit (which I took out of my pocket and showed him) and allow it to be used in a standard drill. He scratched his head ….literally, he actually took off his cap and scratched his head. He then said, "I don't think they make that kind of adapter." He wasn't sure, but at least he was sure that they did not carry them in his store.

Getting frustrated (because I was sure I had seen some online the night before), I said, "Ok, well maybe I should just buy a hammer drill and be done with it. Show me your hammer drills."

 He replied, "Oh, but those are really expensive...they start at about $200 and go up from there." 

  I said, "Well that's funny because I saw some advertised in your store online for $79.00."

 "No, that's not possible," he says, "We have never had any that cheap."

 "Well,” I said, “let's go take a look."

So we meandered over to the hammer drills. I say we "meandered" because he really did not know where they were.  And, sure enough, there was one on the shelf for $79...the same one I had seen online! -- which, I immediately pointed out to him. He was obviously befuddled and embarrassed.

(Trying to cover his mistake) he said, “Well, I meant we never carried them in the store…just online.”

So, I said, “And yet, there it is!”

Hoping to regain some semblance of self-respect, he said “That is just a floor model. I don’t think we actually have any in the store.”

I replied, “Well, take down the model number and look on the shelves to make sure.”

So, he wandered off, looking disgruntled and annoyed.  He soon returned with an unopened box with a new drill inside.  “I guess we did have one in the back”, he said, somewhat sheepishly. He then took off his cap again, scratched his head and started muttering something unintelligible to himself. I decided just to leave him in this state without saying anything at all.

I proceeded to the check-out section where, of course, there was a very long line. People ahead of me seemed to be taking an extraordinary amount of time---changing their minds, not knowing which card to pay with, questioning the price, etc.---which now caused me to start muttering to myself and scratching my head, as I wondered why this only seemed to happen to me?  When it was finally my turn, I triumphantly placed my merchandise on the counter to be processed. I say triumphantly because I felt like I had been in a long, hard battle…but ultimately had won.  That is, until I heard the cashier say, ”With tax that will be $105.00 please.”

I said, “WHAT!” as I realized another skirmish was developing. “The price was supposed to be $79,” I said, somewhat incredulously and in a high-pitched voice I didn’t even recognize.

“No sir,” she replied. “It is $99.00 plus tax, for a total of $105.00.”

As I began arguing about the price, I realized I now was becoming one of those people that were holding everyone else up. (There was a lot of muttering and head-scratching going on in the line behind me.) So I finally said, ”Look, just call over my salesman and I will meet him back at the original spot.”  At that, I picked up the box and went to the designated area to discuss what had just happened.

My salesman was nowhere to be found. As I was looking down Aisle 9 to see if perhaps he had hung himself from the rafters, a different salesman showed up. I took a deep breath and told the new guy briefly what had occurred. He looked at the box I was holding and said, “This is not a hammer drill, this is an Impact driver. He brought you the wrong box.”

As my blood pressure was climbing I considered the situation, and decided that I really did not want to fight that battle again…go through finding the correct box and standing in line all over again. I just wanted to get the hell out of there!  So I gathered myself and calmly said to Salesman #2, “Listen, all I really came in here for was an adapter which Salesman #1 said does not exist. Let me try this a different way. Do you have a really good concrete bit that will work with a standard drill?”  (I had already tried some cheap bits before, but they always broke or were ineffective.)

“Certainly, Sir,” he said with confidence. “Follow me and I will get one for you.”  So I went with him a short distance to another section where he proudly held up a concrete drill bit. It was the exact same bit I had in my pocket that I had brought from home and wanted an adapter for!

Shaking my head in disbelief, I slowly (and a little too loudly) said, “That bit will not work in a standard drill!

“Of course not,” he replied. “What you need is Hammer Drill.”

At that point I had a decision to make: Should I stab him in the eye with the drill bit in my pocket or should I just join the other salesman and hang myself in Aisle 9?

Destruction of History

In these days of discord, it saddens me to see much of our history being obliterated.

History is not there for you to like or dislike. It is there for you to learn from it. And if it offends you, even better. Because then you are less likely to repeat it. It’s not yours to erase or destroy. It belongs to all of us!

Matapalo

I finally finished writing my book. I think anyone who knows me, and most who don't, will really like reading this. Here is a link below:


Paul, a retired computer consultant, is trying to "find himself" while taking a sabbatical on the beach in Matapalo, Costa Rica. Instead, he finds himself involved in a life or death decision involving dangerous Colombian drug smugglers, a prostitute named Carmelita, and a struggle with his conscience.        https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/392682

Hope you enjoy it!!!

Proof of Existence

"Cogito Ergo Sum" :  Latin for "I Think Therefor I Am"  by Rene Descartes.

Descartes was a French existentialist philosopher who said that we can prove our existence (if for no other reason) than by the fact that we are actually thinking about or existence -- therefore we must exist.

However, I wonder what various modern day humans would say as proof of their existence?

Modern Teen-age girl:  I tweet -- therefor I am.

Miley Cyrus: I twerk -- therefore I am.

Angelina Jolie: I adopt  -- therefore I am.

Will Muschamp (Fl. football coach):  I always run up the middle on first down -- therefore I am.

Lawyer: I have no scruples -- therefore I am.

Stock Broker: I am greedy -- therefore I am.

Banker: I love money -- therefore I am.

Pot Smoker:  HuH? 

The End is Near

I am not sure what the 7 signs of the Apocalypse are....but if there were ever a sign that our civilization is in rapid decline and headed for destruction it is this:   Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Nothing more needs to be said -- except that this makes it crystal clear why Aliens from other galaxies want nothing to do with us. 

China's Rapid Growth

I have mixed feelings about China's explosive economic growth. On the one hand, I am glad to see China opening up to the West. I am glad to see the common people raising their standard of living and being able to enjoy some of the many "luxuries" we Americans take for granted. For example, it is extremely rare in China to see anyone under 25 yrs. old driving a car. For that matter, very few other-age Chinese have automobiles either. But in America, it is actually amazing how many teenagers (even in lower class families) have their own cars. Even though they still cannot afford cars, at least the average Chinese citizen can now enjoy going out to restaurants to eat more often; to have televisions; to have computers; to have cell-phones.

My fear though is that China did not learn from all the mistakes we made here in America during the 50's, when our economic growth was exploding (and was eerily similar to China today). Their cities have become some of the most polluted on Earth. Crime and drugs have alarmingly increased. Government oversight and building codes are subject to pervasive bribery and corruption (sometimes, with the slightest tremor, entire apartment buildings will collapse). Production of consumer goods is shoddy at best. I want to just say, "Slow down China - do it right. In life, it is quality--not quantity--that matters."

So with that in mind, I produced this little video (more just to be humorous than to make a political statement). Check it out:  http://youtu.be/Ougepuj1z9Y
  
Phillip